Kitchen Pet Peeves

1. The crap around the edges of the floor. Where does it come from? Are we really such slobs that we make that much of a mess every time we cut a slice of bread?

2. Knobs that catch in clothing. If you bet money that I could snag myself and yank open that drawer I don’t need with my shirt it would never happen.

3. No knives. The dishwasher is only half full; there are plates and bowls and glasses and coffee cups and forks and spoons galore, and not a clean butter knife in the house. Clearly there is too much toast being eaten around here. Something should be done. In the meantime, I’m stuck standing at the counter, buttering slices of cold baked potato (don’t ask) with a paring knife.

4. Salt and pepper shakers that require two-handed operation. I like the salt and pepper balls, but they’re a bitch to load and they break. My husband has purchased beautiful, dark wood salt and pepper grinders that fit comfortably in the hand and are a lovely accent piece on the table. But I can’t salt my own hard-boiled egg when I’m home by myself.

5. Counter clutter. My kitchen is small; our ideas are big. We’re coffee fiends (2 sizes of French Press, large adjustable-grind-and-portion grinder), have at least 11 different cutting boards, and the Kitchen Aid mixer is a behemoth. The production involved in clearing the counters is so daunting, I used it as an excuse not to make Christmas cookies last year.

6. The rug in front of the sink. It keeps your feet warm, cushions your tired insoles as you stand there and wash dishes, adds a nice color accent, and refuses to lie flat. It’s a pratfall (mine) just waiting to happen.

7. Open cupboard doors. I know when you’re 16 it’s important to be able to get to the food as quickly as possible at any moment of the day. It’s probably also important that you monitor the contents (heaven help the 9-year-old sister if she eats the last of the goldfish). But someone (probably me) is going to get hurt. And it looks bad. Look! They’re open again! Wait — are those pistachios?

8. Lights on. Always on. I just turned them off. They’re on again. There isn’t even anybody in there. Guess it’s important that we illuminate what’s in the open cupboards and keep visibility good so we don’t trip over that rug.

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